What is right? 

  I don’t worry about much, but when I do it’s  about doing what is right. 

What is right the right thing to eat? What is the right thing to say? What is the right thing to wear? What is the right balance of discipline and love for my kids? 

Doing what is right is hard. Our selfish desires and swirling emotion gets in the way far too often. It’s a constant struggle. 

Sometimes right is staring you square in the face and it’s too hard to admit you see it. Blame it on comfort, fear or laziness; the ability to see what is right and then do something about it often faces a vast disconnect. 

  

What is the solution? I don’t know. I don’t have the right answers. Often right has to beat me in the face a few times before I can move forward. Today, I am simply pondering what is right and trying my best to recognize it before the beatings begin. 

For me, what is right is often already there, I just need to be willing to embrace it. 
#onethingaday #braindump

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Up All Night Sick

Sometimes the hardest part of being divorced is doing things alone.

I read an interesting blog this morning from a mom of a big family basically repremanding people for leaving the house when someone has been “up all night sick”. It’s a 10 paragraph rant about how we are ruining her and her family’s life by going in public with sickness.

While I tend to agree- stay home if you know you are sick- I also understand that feeling to push through. As a single mom, when you or one of your kids are “up all night sick”, life still continues for the rest of the family.Someone still has to make sure that the kids who are well make it to class cabinet in the morning, someone there to pick up from dodgeball in the afternoon, and the milk won’t buy itself.

I don’t think her post was pointed towards single moms. However, in reading the post from my single mom POV, it made me sad. It was a stark reminder that I am doing this on my own. When the sick phone call comes from school, I am the one to answer it. There are no reinforcements to call in. When my son is “up all night sick” I am going to be up all night with him. When I’m sick the reality sets in for me that I am alone in the responsibilities of my house. It makes me miss having a partner to do life with.

The reality of things is that I will be “up all night sick” and have to head into work the next day. Granted, my work is very generous in their time off policy. However, many single parents are burdened with this each day. If they don’t go into work, how will they pay their bills? If they miss today for their kid’s illness then they sacrifice that day off for a vacation or fun day later in the year. I am fortunate that I don’t have to worry about those things.

The worst part is when you, the mom, gets sick. You feel like a failure because you let them eat PB&J sandwiches for dinner and watch Netflix until bedtime. You know that if you don’t get the rest, it will linger into the next day. But the mom guilt is real you guys! 

Today, I am thankful for a flexible job, who cares about their people. I am thankful for my amazing kids who allow rest for myself and my sick son. I am thankful for friends and neighbors who send over muffins and offer to carpool so that the job gets done while we are one man down. I am thankful that mom snuggles still cure most things (as long as the sick bowl is still nearby).

There may be a man down when mom gets sick, but the job still gets done. I’ve got to just keep reminding myself to look at my own paper- don’t worry about the support others have. I remind myself that I have support in the community that I’ve put in place around me. I am not alone in this. Even if I am “up all night sick”, someone is going to be there to help us through the next day.

 

Aside

Dating Adventures or Nightmares?

The Online Dating Ecosystem

From Visually

It’s been almost two years since my ex husband moved out. I waited a good six months before I got back out there an entered the dating pool. There hasn’t been a dull day since.

I’ve tried all the dating sites: match.com, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid and even Tinder. Surprisingly enough, Tinder has been the spot where I have met the nicest, most normal people.

 

I thought it would be fun to chronicle some of my dating stories on my blog. They are just too good not to share. Like the time a guy showed up late AND drunk to our first date… to the time that the guy blew his vape smoke directly in my face.

You can’t make this stuff up!

For the protection of the “innocent” I never use a guy’s real name– even with my friends– until things get serious. FYI… my friends have only known the name of one person.

For today, I am going to share a recent story. We will call him B-ball.  I believe he was from OK Cupid. B-ball was sweet to start. He complimented my smile in his introduction message and played along with the silly joke I wrote in my rebuttal. We chatted for a day or so. B-ball wanted to meet very soon in our conversations. Not a big deal for me, but he lived about 45 minutes away, so there was some planning involved.

In the interim, I suggested we talk on the phone. After a few failed attempts, we were finally able to connect for a conversation.

B-ball had a slight drawl to his voice; although not from the south, not even southern Ohio. He had a slow cadence, similar to that of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

He talked of his passion for coaching girls’ basketball at the local middle school- thus the nickname of B-ball. He also talked about how basketball was his preferred workout activity. He was VERY passionate about basketball.

He then told he about how he had given up coaching because his mother passed away on New Year’s Eve from her battle with cancer. My heart broke for him. You could tell he was clearly affected by this recent event; almost to the point of tears.

We talked for a good 45 minutes to an hour. I knew after this phone screening that it was unlikely that I would be interested in going on a date with B-ball. The next day I sent him the following text:

bball-1

 

I thought that would be the end of it, but two days later I get this text:

bball-2

Never saw that coming in a million years. It definitely made me laugh B-ball. Unfortunately, not in the way that you likely expected.

Never a dull moment I tell ya!

 

#onethingaday

A lot of people have been asking me about my #onethingaday. I thought I would start off my new blog with a little explanation.

Since my divorce in mid 2014, it has been easy to get overwhelmed the the volume of things that one must accomplish as a single mom. As an example, in the month of January I have:

  • purchased new carpets for my whole house (to be installed early next month)
  • helped my kids move all the stuff out of their bedrooms in anticipation of new carpets (I’m gonna get real with you all and write a post and drop some pictures on this one)
  • removed all carpets and furniture from the basement
  • selected new paint colors for the basement
  • had to cancel and activate a new bank card– which then required to relink all accounts to the new card
  • take a morning off work to take my son to the orthodontist, just to find out I had been turing his pallet expander the wrong direction #whoops #momfail
  • signed up for and subsequently canceled Match.com, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish and Tinder
  • went on 4 first dates, one of which was ok
  • car overheated which required towing to repair shop and rental car

I tell you all of this not to solicit kudos or sympathy. The bullets above are the unexpected things which have popped up, not on my Teri-do list (since I don’t have a honey to do my list- lol!)

IMG_3873

The Teri-Do List taunting me from the refrigerator.

All of this to say– ADULTING IS HARD!!!

A mentor of mine once said, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

Looking at the mass of a whole elephant is too much, but you can do more/eat more if you break it into smaller, more managable portions.

The one thing a day was born in an effort to not get overwhelmed by the weight of my everyday tasks. I decided that I would make my goal to accomplish just one thing a day.

 

It’s harder to get overwhelmed if you don’t have so many tasks staring you down. If I do #onethingaday, I get a box checked off my Teri-do list. I also feel successful, which gives me the encouragement I need to keep going and doing one more thing the next day. Eventually, my Teri-do list will be complete.

Ok- let’s be real– it’s never done. But a girl can dream, right?